Somewhere in the bowels of Seneca Valley High School sit 165 old marching band uniforms that, after eight years of enthusiastic use, probably smell a lot like teen spirit.
Their days are done, their service rendered, their life cycle complete.
Or maybe not. Maybe they just need the ministrations of a local Martha Stewart -- one with, preferably, a warped sense of humor.
At tomorrow afternoon's annual "pie festival" -- a long-standing event at which parents, students and other interested parties eat pie and get introduced to the new school year's football team, cheerleaders and marching band -- band members will strut their stuff in brilliant "Columbia blue" tunics and black-and-white sashes over neat black trousers.
The school board "voted unanimously" to buy the 250 new uniforms, noted band booster Frank Bibri. "They've always supported the band at Seneca Valley."
Apparently teen spirit is contagious. The band keeps growing. Although the old uniforms had two years left in their 10-year life span, the band needed 25 more for new members. Rather than order those and then another 250 two years from now, the district decided to outfit its entire marching musical corps this year.
But where do old uniforms go to die?
The school board thought about giving them to the teens who'd worn them, "but we didn't want to see them worn on the street or out on Halloween," Bibri said.
An enterprising suggestion straight out of Martha Stewart Living With Teens is to cut the cloth arms off and turn each straight-cut top into a generous pillow. It's a good thing.
And when teen spirit expires -- which is usually as soon as it walks into the family home -- a band uniform pillow would be perfect for propping limp adolescent bodies just far enough off the floor to allow for the holding of video game controllers or telephones.
I think the boosters could raise a lot of money with these pillows.
"Or you could probably sew the uniform together and stuff it like a doll. You know, sew a little head on it," Bibri suggested.
OK. That might raise slightly less money. It might also raise questions about Bibri, but we have to be understanding: The poor man's spent 11 years as a band booster parent -- four of those as the club president -- "and I have three more years to go." That's because he and wife Judy are still boosting the youngest two of their four musical children through the Seneca Valley marching band.
Musical genetics? "If I could read music, I'd take the blame," Bibri said.
This year is Judy Bibri's second turn as club president. While Frank theorized last week about possible uses for old uniforms, Judy, a teacher in the North Allegheny school district, was at Seneca Valley passing out cups of ice to kids sweltering through band camp.
Like the boosters' club, the SV band itself is "a volunteer activity," Frank Bibri said. "There are no auditions. They don't believe in turning kids away."
Despite the open-door policy, the band's musical reputation keeps growing along with its size. Two weeks ago, Youngstown State University invited the group to do the halftime show at the Youngstown-Clarion game Sept. 8, and the U.S. Air Force band, "Airmen of Note," has offered to give a free concert at the school later this year.
Seneca Valley sends a steady stream of grads to Youngstown State's jazz program, and its current leader is Robert K. Matchett III, a Youngstown State alum whose father, Robert Jr., directed the SV marching band for 37 years.
"We're so proud of this band," Frank Bibri exclaimed. "Their musicianship is outstanding. They don't do a lot of music festivals, the philosophy being that the kids have a life, they have jobs and of course they're getting an education.
"We're not dragging them out of town every weekend."
But two weeks from now, Bibri and another parent/school bus driver hope to be driving two of the six buses headed for Youngstown State, full of teen spirit. By volunteering, the parents will take a tiny bite out of the $1,700 or so needed to fund the trip, half of which the boosters will pay.
Which brings us back to those old uniforms. They sport the name "Seneca Valley" on the left sleeve. Bibri envisions more pillows. If the torso section would make a big pillow, why couldn't each arm become a comfy neck bolster?
The future might be easier to deal with. Ten years from now, the new uniforms, which have a simple "SV" stitched to the front left shoulder, could be hand-me-downs to a cash-strapped Saint Vincent or Squaw Valley school somewhere.
"I hope I'm not around for that," Bibri sighed.
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