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Sunday, January 04, 1998 By Brian O'Neill
Columnists, like real people, come in two flavors: candle lighters and darkness cursers.
Forget what you may have heard about it being better to light a single candle than curse the darkness. Darkness-cursing is far more fashionable. Cynicism has become almost everybody's substitute for intelligent, original thought.
With that at the back of my mind, the Monday before Christmas, I went against the grain. I offered a January transit pass to any reader who could come up with "an Earth-friendly idea" that would help Pittsburgh become a better place to live.
I didn't expect Earth-changing ideas - and didn't get any. But from the small pile of letters came a little gem. Somebody's pet peeve was my own, now that I thought about it.
"Call me crazy," wrote Nancy-Rose Netchi of Mount Washington, "but the tiny ticket that you get at movie theaters is enough to make me buy stock in TCI's pay-per-view system.
"By the time I get my wallet put away from purchasing the ticket, take out a mortgage on the house to buy some snacks, put my wallet away again, balance my soda and popcorn while negotiating the women's room, I not only have no hand free to produce the ticket, I also have absolutely no idea where it might be."
I have the same problem. Except for that part about the women's room.
Anyway, Netchi suggested hand stamps, a different stamp for each movie. This might be a problem if you're one of those insufferably efficient people who purchases flick tickets early, but, Netchi assured, "I understand that bacteria is overrated anyway."
"So where's the savings to the Earth?" she went on. "That's easy. While those tickets are mighty tiny, just stop by any `cinematropolis' some time during the holidays and you'll realize that with the tickets used by just those people there to see "Anastasia," you could probably paper your living room."
I like the idea. No matter how I dress, I always have too many pockets when I go to the movies, and, as I fumble through coat, shirt and pants, I wind up looking like America's worst macarena dancer.
I also figure if theaters adopt this hand-stamp policy, I can knock off a cheap Andy Rooneyish column in a couple of years, waxing nostalgic for the days when theaters issued tickets. Ya gotta think ahead.
So I'm mailing Netchi my bus pass, despite another letter from a forlorn commuter that tugged harder on my heartstrings.
"Picture this," Joe Adler of Squirrel Hill wrote. "It's below zero, snowing and windy. We're at the corner of Lilac and Beechwood waiting for the 53 bus. We've been waiting 40 minutes.
"Finally, one shows up, so jammed with people that the driver won't open the door for the three of us."
Another bus arrives a few minutes later. Same deal. Now Adler and his brethren are "so covered with snow we must look like snowmen."
Another bus shows, two-thirds full. It stops in traffic, but the driver won't open the door despite its pounding by a shivering trio. Why?
"Because this is a Flyer, and his next stop is Downtown, where all of us are going. The light turns green, and off he goes.
"My suggestion? LET US ON THE DAMN BUS!"
According to the Port Authority of Allegheny County, bus drivers should call the traffic department if passengers are being passed up, so the next bus, even if it's a flyer, can scoop them. What happened to Adler shouldn't have.
That and $1.25 will get him on the next bus. Until then, Joe, curse the darkness.
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