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  Support groups help couples share information, comfort By Gary Rotstein, Post-Gazette Staff Writer More than 20 people are gathered in a meeting room at UPMC Shadyside, their eyes closed in order to practice relaxation techniques while sitting in stiff chairs. They're at an educational meeting of RESOLVE, the national and local support group for those with infertility. The subject of the month is stress and how to cope with it. The women volunteer the various ways they temporarily put aside their baby-making troubles, through exercise, pleasurable eating and reading about anything other than infertility. A slender woman talks about how much satisfaction she gets from spending time with her dog. "She's just so carefree -- I wish I could have her life sometimes," the infertility patient laments. Six men are present. They cough occasionally, but say nothing. They defer to their female partners, who are almost always more aggressive in pushing to join the support group, attend meetings and find information and solace in the company of others with similar experiences. "I wanted to talk about it all the time, and [my husband] didn't," said Bonni Prince of Madison, Westmoreland County, president of Western Pennsylvania's RESOLVE chapter. Like Stephanie Brant in the accompanying story, she learned of RESOLVE while sharing information with others on the Internet. The relatively well-educated population that pursues infertility treatment appears more likely than the common person to be computer savvy and research-oriented. Francesa Lindquist of Bricktown, N.J., set up her Hope-Infertility support group on America Online three years ago so individuals would have a way of trading stories of their sensitive experiences. Brant and Prince are among those who tapped in, and it's how the close friends first got to know one another. "There's something to be said about not having to look people in the eye," Lindquist said. "We pick up where the doctor leaves off. The offices can provide the medical information, but they can't tell what's going on in your hearts and minds. It's so hard in the outside world to find people who relate to you." For those without computers who have infertility questions, RESOLVE's national headquarters operates a telephone help line. The organization receives about 35,000 requests for information a year by phone or e-mail. Most local members say the biggest benefit of their $45 annual dues comes from living room chat groups -- women only -- in which they confide their difficulties and console one another. And if a meeting occurs on a night when a woman would usually receive a drug injection from her husband, one of the other meeting members just fills in, giving the shot in the arm or thigh, even the rear end when necessary. The only downside is that everyone's aim is to no longer need a group like RESOLVE. Local group leaders and members usually move on as they either succeed in conceiving or adopting or abandon efforts. Ironically, others' success stories are sometimes harder for members to bear than would be their continued misfortunes. "You can't have someone six months pregnant sitting in a RESOLVE meeting, or no one else would come," said Naomi Howard, former president of the local chapter.
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