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The right to buy politicians

Andy Borowitz at The Borowitz Report: "In testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee [Wednesday], National Rifle Association CEO Wayne LaPierre warned that the NRA would vigorously oppose any legislation that 'limits the sale, purchase or ownership of politicians.'

" 'Politicians pose no danger to the public if used correctly,' said Mr. LaPierre, who claims to have over 200 politicians in his personal collection. 'Everyone hears about the bad guys in Congress. Well, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a vote is a good guy with a vote. I'm proud to be the owner of many of those guys.' "

Mr. LaPierre's comments drew a sharp rebuke from Carol Foyler, a politician-control advocate, Mr. Borowitz reports: " 'Right now, a man like Wayne LaPierre can walk right into Congress and buy any politician he wants,' she said. 'There's no background check, no waiting period. And so hundreds of politicians are falling into the hands of people who are unstable and, quite frankly, dangerous.' "

Clinton's evasions editor Nick Gillespie on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's testimony regarding last September's attack in Libya, which killed four Americans:

"The scene reminded me of nothing so much as Oliver North's appearance before a joint congressional committee investigating Iran-Contra back in the 1980s. Not because of anything Clinton said but the way that she carried herself and the ease with which she wrapped herself in the flag and tragedy to obscure the simple fact that she wasn't going to answer anything.

"North famously showed up to testify in a military uniform that had nothing to do with his day job of subverting the U.S. Constitution from the basement of the Reagan White House. Clinton couldn't repeat that fashion statement but she was able to pound the table and choke up at all the right moments to evade serious discussion not simply of major screw-ups, but major screw-ups that will go unaccounted for."

Seinfeld on marriage

All Pro Dad, an NFL nonprofit led locally by Mike Tomlin, promotes responsible fatherhood and emails tips on parenting and marriage. Last week, these included insights from Jerry Seinfeld. Among them:

• "I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical."

• "A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."

• "Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic -- you need 10 years before you can even call yourself a beginner."

Concussiongate lives on

J.K. Trotter at The Atlantic Wire: "And you thought Concussiongate was over! The web of conspiracy theories surrounding Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's concussion from fainting on Dec. 15 (and her subsequent hospitalization on Dec. 30) mostly dissipated when Clinton testified ... before the Senate and House about the September attacks in Benghazi, Libya. (A bunch of vocal conservatives believed Clinton was faking her injury as a ploy to avoid testifying.)

"But, judging from Fox News Channel's morning talk show Fox & Friends [on Monday], elements of Concussiongate -- such as the belief that Clinton is somehow still messing with the circumstances of her injury in all these recent public appearances -- stubbornly persist. Here's what co-host Brian Kilmeade said ... during a discussion of Clinton and President Obama's joint '60 Minutes' interview:

" 'I think for some reason ["60 Minutes"] just didn't dig into anything at all. ... For one thing, I would like to know, did [Ms. Clinton] pass out and hit her head, was she pushed? How did she hit her head and get a concussion?'

"Pushed? By whom? Her notoriously protective press secretary? A roving band of Tumblr users? Whatever the content of Kilmeade's imagination, co-host Gretchen Carlson quickly (and admirably) shut down the conversation, apparently aware of how absurd the speculation sounds."

Seeking enough

Haiku written and posted on Facebook by a friend, Lori Merriam:

What does it look like

This thing called "enough?"

Some can't get it or give it.


Greg Victor (


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